Lyrics from from an old Bob Dylan song called My back Pages come to mind as I think back, remembering life at twenty something. The line from the song, “I was so much older then, I am younger than that now,” implies that ongoing transformation can happen in a thoughtful well lived life. Perhaps even a rejection of what we’re taught, and caught from our own unique culture, religion or family. and that we willingly accept as truth. Truth… requires no belief.
Recently, someone much younger than I, called to ask me a question. The question she asked was… “if you were doing life over again, what would you do different?” I hesitated for a moment gathering my thoughts, hoping for a lightning hit to give a highly intelligent, thoughtful response. I sort of surprised myself at how easily an answer came to mind, “Don’t piddle, don’t diddle and don’t wait!” Pay attention to what your own is saying, what your own heart wants, rather than what others might say and…don’t wait!
Before our children were born. Patricia and I decided we’d like to travel for the entire summer, the summer of 1976. We bought a VW van, and yes…it was bright orange and white. We outfitted the inside with a bed, curtains and a table. It was great vehicle that we’d take on camping trips and to squirrel around. We were excited by the possibilities of the open road and exploring the country.
But as way leads to way… we had just built a new home, co-owners of a duplex and a new start up Carpentry business. Money was pretty tight, so in time we convinced ourselves that, “it just wasn’t a convenient time” and then further deceiving ourselves with, “let’s wait until next summer.” Well, the next summer came, but now nursing school posed a problem, and other matters had crept up, so once again we postponed for a more convenient time. Ultimately…we never took that expedition, the trip of a lifetime, and all that doing so might have been.
Lesson: If we wait for the perfect time to do things, we never get around to it. It’s never the ideal time. Don’t let the gravitational nature of FEAR pull you down. My own experience I find that fear is an enemy of the soul. Don’t let it stop you!
For most of my life, I’ve collected quotes poems and prose, tacking them up in all kinds of places, where I was sure to keep seeing them. Some were cheesy I am told, but still on occasion I enjoy sifting through the collection that is now stuffed in a thick vanilla file pocket beside my desk. Ideas, thoughts, little writings nudges, of things I believe in, important at different stages… at different moments of my life, helping me make sense of living, loving and dying. Sort of a diary now, they trigger and jog my memories of many things my life. Perhaps none of these thoughts has been more meaningful than the following.
“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand…and melting like a snowflake.” – Marie Beyon Ray
Pablo
4-4-2022