Our parenting and child raising began in 1980. To put that time period into a historical perspective, Ronald Reagan had just been elected president three days before our first born Joshua came into our lives. Emily joined us eighteen months later, and Abby… well Abby finally joined us six years after Emily.
If you read anything into this story that suggests we knew how to raise children or that we were somehow good at raising children…forget about it! We didn’t know much and in the end…let’s say we were fortunate to get genuinely good outcomes. This just happens to be our story.
Patricia and I grew up in similar families with loving parents and positive nurturing environments. We came from churched families where kindness, love and forgiveness was ground zero, the base and central in our familial experiences. So when it came our turn to raise a family, mostly we followed their example.
Being married six years before children were born to us, meant we had time… time to observe, and study how friends, relatives and acquaintances did the parenting thing. By the time it was our turn to be parents we had acquired a few basics understandings. Mostly though about how we did NOT want to raise our children.
A multitude of ‘how to” parenting books were swarming in our network of friends, and church circles. Books that gave straight talk and advice about raising children, heralding sure fire ways to raise children the right way.
Early on though, as new parents we made a conscious decision to not turn to books about parenting, but rather to rely on our own inner guidance, our own love instincts to guide us. Looking back at that decision some forty years later it seems cocky and self-assured! like we thought we knew best and certainly we could have improved our parenting by reading self help books on the subject, but you can’t escape the reality that it worked out well for us…just look at our three great kids! We were Lucky!
Once while visiting my daughter at Harrisonburg College, I had the opportunity to sit in and audit her college psych class. The topic on that particular day was about parenting and child development under various parenting styles. A fine discussion ensued, and even touched on the merits of circumcision with latest research on the matter. Near the end of the class, the professor turned toward me and asked. “So, what do you think… you over there with actual parenting experience? What can you tell us?” I stammered for just a bit, but with a ready response said, “Well, I think if you love the child… and you love the child’s mother, everything will turn out all right. Perhaps we tend to make it too hard.”
As years passed, and our little family rocked the colossal dance to family life, there were moments that deeply tested such a simplistic, even naïve view of child raising. Mostly though, even now I still believe in this viewpoint. I dispense of this sagely advice when given an opportunity to do so!
We were fortunate and with some plain dumb luck, I am grateful to leave the world my best…my children!
Pablo
4-26-2022
